Yer a Moron...

Basically this is the Moron List. It's a contantly evolving, developing, growing kind of organism. Make sure to check back frequently to see if you've made the list in any way:

How it works:
If you are guilty of any of the following, yer a Moron. Maybe not always, maybe not forever, but, in these cases, you are, undeniably, hands-down, grab yer fuckin hockey helmet and get on the little bus, a Moron!

THE LIST

Voted for GW Bush (no arguing with this one)
Own a Minivan.
Enjoy Soccer.
Liked the movie "Titanic".
Think Harry Potter is literature...or a film...
Dress your dog or cat in clothes.
Think any of the following are "really talented":
Christina Aguilera (at anything other than sucking dick)
Jessica Simpson (at anything other than sucking dick)
Brittany Spears (at anything other than sucking dick)
Keanu Reeves
Tom Cruise
Ben Affleck
Listen to Rush Limbaugh.
Collect Beenie-Babies.
Watch ANY of the following TV shows:
The OC
Desperate Housewives
Melrose Place
Beverly Hills 90210
Survivor, Big Brother, The Bachelor (ette), Wife Swappers, or any of that other mindless reality shit. You want reality?? Join the Marine's motherfucker!

Think your Bachelor's degree in business means anything.
Think your Masters degree in anything makes you smart.
Not convinced of Global Warming.
Think Iraq had WMD's or this war is over anything but oil and money.
Stop in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store to contemplate the breakfast cereal, blocking the aisle for everyone else.
Drive slow in the fast lane. It's the Fast Lane for fuck's sake! Who doesn't know that?! Oh yeah...the Moron's!
Pay for your groceries with a check, but don't have it ready when it comes time to pay.
Watch MTV
Believe Dr. Phil
Believe Lee harvey acted alone.
Believe the Branch Davidians Self-Emolated.
Drive a BMW because everybody else does
Drive an Escalade
Use the word "Bling" to describe anything other than the sound of piss on a porcelain urinal.
Think Jim Morrison was anything other than a drunk.
Think Tupac was a poet.
Wore parachute pants in the 80's.
Think we're living in anything other than a Facsist state.


More to Come

GW Rant In E Minor

Monkey-Boy

What are we doing, America? What the fuck? Get off your 65% Obese asses and take a stand (if you can). How is it GW is still in office unchallenged?

This dude is in charge??

Where’s the grassroots movement to oust this imbecile from office?

Uncanny, Isn't it???


Where’s the revolutionary spirit that built this country and made it great? Too few folks shouting Revolution! anymore, and too many shouting Creationism!


First he steals election number one with help from his Governor-brother and the cunt in charge of vote counting in Florida. Then again in election number two…very questionable as to what was going on with those inbred, Christian conservatives in Ohio. Then we got him on vacation for the first year of his administration, sitting on his ass during 9/11, Carl Rove, and now Tom DeLay. If Bush had any more egg on his face they’d being naming an omelet after him at the IHOP. The Red-Neck Special. Fer Christ’s sake, look at the pictures he takes! If ever there has been a more vacuous face, I’ve never seen it…maybe on Howdy Doody? Corruption is rampant in his administration, glad handing, and glory-holing are running un-abated. These fuckers managed to start a War for Oil, that they and their cronies will undoubtedly make billions on (Oil Company net profits this year…41 Billion Dollars…NET, MUTHERFUCKERS!), and we bought it! His father was a one-term President, and he only got that ‘cause we couldn’t just kick his whimpy ass out. His old man started the current Mid-East conflict, then got his mini-me to come in and attempt to finish the job. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree at all. They justify their actions with out and out lies (WMD’s!), or set the stage early (we sold ton’s of weapons to the middle east, then used their “incredible weapons capability” as justification to go in the first time).

I quote the late, incredibly great, Bill Hicks,
“Iraq. Incredible weapons! Incredible weapons technology!”
“How do you know?”
“Well...um...We looked at the receipt. But as soon as that check clears, we’re going in!”

The Dark Prophet Himself, Mr. Hicks...R.I.P

Wake up America, ya fat, gelatinous, lazy fuck-holes. All hell is breaking loose around you. And when the shit really hits the fan, it really will be survival of the fittest. What are you gonna do without yer fast food, yer pizza delivery, yer instant gratification - jack-off to the internet lifestyles? No elevators or escalators to carry yer gargantuan, wheezing asses wherever they have to go. The streets will be littered with sausage-fingered pork-pies, clutching their chests, and gasping their last death rattling breaths as tiny, cholesterol packed heart muscles seize up under abnormally high stress and physical exertion…walking!

Fucking sheep. Lambs to slaughter.


This is your fearless leader, America. Literally wearing blinders…

Do yourself a favor: http://www.billhicks.com/

Factor Five

The King of the Morons, trying to keep up...


So a few years ago my buddy and I were discussing the fact that most people are idiots. In fact we figured about 95% of the population are fucking sheep that will eat whatever the media, and popular culture spoon feed them. "Moron Syrup" is what we call it the thick, sticky, ultra sweet goo that these mindless fool suck up lickety split, and ask for thirds. This explains the bizarre success of things like Boy Bands, Ashlee Simpson, J-Lo, Rascal Flats (how did these guys EVER get a record deal?!), PT Cruisers, The OC, Reality Shows (with the exception of The Contender!), lowered jap cars, sideways baseball caps, and Titanic winning the Best Picture Oscar!


exhibit "A"

The fact of the matter is, very few people think for themselves. The ones that do would be other other 5%. The "Factor Five". I don't want to come off completely elitist, because, honestly, we all do stupid shit. So let me clarify. It is possible for a sharp, smart member of the 5% to, occasionally, slip up and fall into the 95% catagory of morons. But it is virtually impossible for one of the idiots from the 95% to jump the gap to the 5%...just doesn't happen.

Anyway...where do you fall???