Walk Of Shame

Mr. Jimi, a deserving recipient

At this rate, it's just a matter of time. I predict I'll get my star on or about September 21st, 2011. This is based on a mathematical formula that takes into consideration all variables associated with Hollywood's Infamous Walk of Fame. Large, approximately 3 feet across, and covering several blocks of this decaying town's stained and soiled concrete sidewalks, Hollywoods Walk of Fame is Tribute to those great individuals , or enitities that were instrumental in building the town it is named for. Lately, the Walk of Fame has lost it's luster, and has found itself being prostituted, to no feasible end, to anyone with enough wallet or marketing support to pay the going rate. Sidewalks that were once trod upon by some of those great cinema royalty whose names are now immortalized in bronze and red and black tile. Pioneers of the film industry who have every right to carry the honor bestowed on them by the grateful city they helped build; John Huston, John Ford, Cecil B Demille, Jane Russell, Henry Fonda, Olivia de Havilland, Abbott & Costello, the list is incredible. It used to mean something if you got yer name on one of these sidewalk squares. It meant you had made an important, defining, and indelible mark on the Hollywood landscape. That Hollywood, had you not had an impact, or ever existed, would somehow be less of the historic place that it is.

Granted, Hollywood has gone from being a Silver Screen Queen to a Porno Theater Crack Whore. She's lost her youthful good looks, perky breasts and vitality; and now looks like one of those nasty, haggard, skinny chain-smoking grandma's with the cancer cough, the weathered, leathery skin, and scars caused by decades of scandal, abuse, and over-indulgence. She laughs a horrific laugh. She's trying to be nice and approachable, but what comes out it a witches cackle that degrades into a fit of whoops, wheezes and hacks, with the occasional hunk of flying lung butter for all to dodge. Her precious sidewalk squares are being sold for a price, and the only qualification seems to be a checkbook with an FDIC insured bank.

Charlize Theron got her star today, sort of what set me off, altho I have been choking on this particular subject ever since Keanu Reaves got his. Not that Charlize doesn't deserve it (fuck my opinion!), I mean hell she's got an Oscar, right? Ugliest Performance by a Hot Piece of Ass, I think it was...? I mean this is the Academy, they must know what they're talking about, the same folks who gave you "Titanic" for Best Picture a couple years ago (for the record, the last time I watched that Academy Award shit). Whatever...my point is, what has she done, like five fucking movies? I think I saw one, it was That Thing You Do, the Tom Hanks movie. Great flick. I loved it. Steve Zahn is hysterical, and Charlize plays, guess what? You got it! A hot piece of ass! The fact is, there are vomit stains on Hollywood Boulevard that are older and more impactful than Charlize Theron, or Keanu Reaves, or Morton Downey (RIP), or Tony Danza, or Sandra Bullock, or Paula Fucking Abdul (that one kills me every time!), or, the Anti-Christ, Brittany Spears.


Britt, at her Star unveiling, just how we love her, on all fours!!


So, Like I said, It's coming. I have invested a small nest egg in a nice aggressive, interest earning growth fund, and should have the necessary capitol to grease Johnny Grants fat ass. I don't have to establish talent, merit, ability, or significance in any way, so, fuckin'-A, I'll see you all at my "unveiling".


Charlize, one hot piece of ass!!! (How come Katherine Hepburn never took pictures like this???