GW Rant In E Minor

Monkey-Boy

What are we doing, America? What the fuck? Get off your 65% Obese asses and take a stand (if you can). How is it GW is still in office unchallenged?

This dude is in charge??

Where’s the grassroots movement to oust this imbecile from office?

Uncanny, Isn't it???


Where’s the revolutionary spirit that built this country and made it great? Too few folks shouting Revolution! anymore, and too many shouting Creationism!


First he steals election number one with help from his Governor-brother and the cunt in charge of vote counting in Florida. Then again in election number two…very questionable as to what was going on with those inbred, Christian conservatives in Ohio. Then we got him on vacation for the first year of his administration, sitting on his ass during 9/11, Carl Rove, and now Tom DeLay. If Bush had any more egg on his face they’d being naming an omelet after him at the IHOP. The Red-Neck Special. Fer Christ’s sake, look at the pictures he takes! If ever there has been a more vacuous face, I’ve never seen it…maybe on Howdy Doody? Corruption is rampant in his administration, glad handing, and glory-holing are running un-abated. These fuckers managed to start a War for Oil, that they and their cronies will undoubtedly make billions on (Oil Company net profits this year…41 Billion Dollars…NET, MUTHERFUCKERS!), and we bought it! His father was a one-term President, and he only got that ‘cause we couldn’t just kick his whimpy ass out. His old man started the current Mid-East conflict, then got his mini-me to come in and attempt to finish the job. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree at all. They justify their actions with out and out lies (WMD’s!), or set the stage early (we sold ton’s of weapons to the middle east, then used their “incredible weapons capability” as justification to go in the first time).

I quote the late, incredibly great, Bill Hicks,
“Iraq. Incredible weapons! Incredible weapons technology!”
“How do you know?”
“Well...um...We looked at the receipt. But as soon as that check clears, we’re going in!”

The Dark Prophet Himself, Mr. Hicks...R.I.P

Wake up America, ya fat, gelatinous, lazy fuck-holes. All hell is breaking loose around you. And when the shit really hits the fan, it really will be survival of the fittest. What are you gonna do without yer fast food, yer pizza delivery, yer instant gratification - jack-off to the internet lifestyles? No elevators or escalators to carry yer gargantuan, wheezing asses wherever they have to go. The streets will be littered with sausage-fingered pork-pies, clutching their chests, and gasping their last death rattling breaths as tiny, cholesterol packed heart muscles seize up under abnormally high stress and physical exertion…walking!

Fucking sheep. Lambs to slaughter.


This is your fearless leader, America. Literally wearing blinders…

Do yourself a favor: http://www.billhicks.com/

Walk Of Shame

Mr. Jimi, a deserving recipient

At this rate, it's just a matter of time. I predict I'll get my star on or about September 21st, 2011. This is based on a mathematical formula that takes into consideration all variables associated with Hollywood's Infamous Walk of Fame. Large, approximately 3 feet across, and covering several blocks of this decaying town's stained and soiled concrete sidewalks, Hollywoods Walk of Fame is Tribute to those great individuals , or enitities that were instrumental in building the town it is named for. Lately, the Walk of Fame has lost it's luster, and has found itself being prostituted, to no feasible end, to anyone with enough wallet or marketing support to pay the going rate. Sidewalks that were once trod upon by some of those great cinema royalty whose names are now immortalized in bronze and red and black tile. Pioneers of the film industry who have every right to carry the honor bestowed on them by the grateful city they helped build; John Huston, John Ford, Cecil B Demille, Jane Russell, Henry Fonda, Olivia de Havilland, Abbott & Costello, the list is incredible. It used to mean something if you got yer name on one of these sidewalk squares. It meant you had made an important, defining, and indelible mark on the Hollywood landscape. That Hollywood, had you not had an impact, or ever existed, would somehow be less of the historic place that it is.

Granted, Hollywood has gone from being a Silver Screen Queen to a Porno Theater Crack Whore. She's lost her youthful good looks, perky breasts and vitality; and now looks like one of those nasty, haggard, skinny chain-smoking grandma's with the cancer cough, the weathered, leathery skin, and scars caused by decades of scandal, abuse, and over-indulgence. She laughs a horrific laugh. She's trying to be nice and approachable, but what comes out it a witches cackle that degrades into a fit of whoops, wheezes and hacks, with the occasional hunk of flying lung butter for all to dodge. Her precious sidewalk squares are being sold for a price, and the only qualification seems to be a checkbook with an FDIC insured bank.

Charlize Theron got her star today, sort of what set me off, altho I have been choking on this particular subject ever since Keanu Reaves got his. Not that Charlize doesn't deserve it (fuck my opinion!), I mean hell she's got an Oscar, right? Ugliest Performance by a Hot Piece of Ass, I think it was...? I mean this is the Academy, they must know what they're talking about, the same folks who gave you "Titanic" for Best Picture a couple years ago (for the record, the last time I watched that Academy Award shit). Whatever...my point is, what has she done, like five fucking movies? I think I saw one, it was That Thing You Do, the Tom Hanks movie. Great flick. I loved it. Steve Zahn is hysterical, and Charlize plays, guess what? You got it! A hot piece of ass! The fact is, there are vomit stains on Hollywood Boulevard that are older and more impactful than Charlize Theron, or Keanu Reaves, or Morton Downey (RIP), or Tony Danza, or Sandra Bullock, or Paula Fucking Abdul (that one kills me every time!), or, the Anti-Christ, Brittany Spears.


Britt, at her Star unveiling, just how we love her, on all fours!!


So, Like I said, It's coming. I have invested a small nest egg in a nice aggressive, interest earning growth fund, and should have the necessary capitol to grease Johnny Grants fat ass. I don't have to establish talent, merit, ability, or significance in any way, so, fuckin'-A, I'll see you all at my "unveiling".


Charlize, one hot piece of ass!!! (How come Katherine Hepburn never took pictures like this???

Beluga

I was surfing a secret spot one beautiful morning, by myself. It was non-stop, perfect A-frames, 6 to 8 foot, barreling and spitting both ways. The sky was a slate gray, almost charcoal color that seemed to blend into the ocean at some indefinable place on the horizon. The air was cool, the breeze stiff, and off-shore. It stood the faces of the breakers open, turning them into tall, proud, peeling cylinders of heavy, green-gray water. Clear liquid beads blew off the falling lip of the waves, creating fans of spray that showered anyone in range in a salty rain. I was alone, on the main peak, getting the best surf of my life. I had been in the water maybe an hour. My thighs were already fatigued from at least a dozen incredibly long rides. I was trying to recount a better day, and firmly convinced that nothing could make this dawn patrol more perfect, when... I saw her. She was standing on the beach checking the surf. I don't know how long she'd been there, but she was a vision. She was about 5 foot 2, blond hair, weighing 195, maybe 200 pounds. She was wearing a pink and yellow, flower print Wal-Mart one piece, with the ruffles around the waist (they were actually sort of projecting out from between a coupla belly rolls). She had a sweet 6'6" Rusty C-5 Surfboard that looked to be about 23" wide and 3 and a quarter thick. I watched, mesmerized, as she waddled to the shoreline, deftly flopped onto her board (almost rolled off one side, but got it together), and started stroking out toward me. She duck-dived a couple of set waves (actually, I think she just blew out any air that was in her lungs, and her natural body mass just sunk that board like it was fuckin nothin'!), then found herself in perfect position for the third wave of the set. She turned and started to pull herself into this wave, three solid, full arm strokes, and she was dropping, front-side, down the face. It had to be double-overhead, 12, maybe 15 foot, a macker. She had so much speed when she hit her bottom turn, I thought sure she was gonna go right thru the surface, and not stop till she hit the reef. Instead, she flawlessly arced thru her bottom turn, pulled tight into the bowl, shifted her massive weight back onto her tail, shoved her meaty, ham-like arm into the face, slowing herself almost to a stop, and let the curtain fall around her. I felt like Ahab, seeing the great white whale for the first time. I was in awe of her massive, gelatinous beauty. She seemed so deep that I was sure she'd never get out; and she was so fat, I thought she'd get stuck way back in the barrel like that! But NO! And when the wave spit, it shot her fat ass out of the tube like a pretty pink and yellow Howitzer shell. She pulled another bottom turn; then a beautiful, long, drawn out carve off the top, her two cannon sized arms triumphantly thrust skyward, claiming the peaks for her own. I, humbled, paddled in, rode the shore break to the beach on my belly. I walked up onto the sand, fell to my knees, and wept. Wept for I knew I had seen something most never will. Like Bigfoot, the Yeti, and the Loc Ness Monster. I carry this memory with me, share the story with a trusted few, and look for her everywhere. Someday, somewhere, I'll find that fair ocean maiden again, and this time, I'll woo her, make her my love, and spend the rest of my days in complete Neptunian bliss.